‘Tis the season for friendly rivalries! Yet, as the internet drowns in Super Bowl party recipes and sport fans across America scream at their favorite teams, it’s quieter up here in the Last Frontier. There are no professional football, basketball, or baseball teams in Alaska. Even our one professional hockey team, the Alaska Aces, went out of business last year. While many Alaskans find another state’s team to cheer for, or against, it’s just not the same. Go Seahawks, I guess.
During playoff season it’s hard not to feel a little left out, which is uncomfortably close to feeling inadequate, which is approaching heresy for an Alaskan. Perhaps because of this uneasy vibe, when the Dallas Cowboys strut their stuff across our screens, many Alaskans turn to one of our favorite diversions. It’s a long running tradition, based on a decades-old rivalry that guarantees each Alaskan an undisputed victory. I call it what it is — tormenting Texas.
Tormenting Texas is just an immensely satisfying thing to do for many Alaskans. The best part is that it’s so stinkin’ easy! Our Texan friends and family members passionately love their state. I’ll admit they have good reasons. For over a century Texas was the largest state in the union based on measured acreage and overall swagger. But when Alaska showed up to the statehood party in 1959, Texas lost its Biggest State title. Ever since then Alaskans have been dropping their favorite jokes and one-liners, each aimed precisely at the tender ego of the now second largest state in the United States of America.
Please don’t think we’re completely heartless, way up here at the top of the world. Whenever a Texan is disappointed to learn that Alaska is actually the largest state in the Union, we sympathetically suggest a solution. Alaska could always be cut in half, making Texas the third largest state.
My favorite one-liner comes with a not-to-scale illustration of our heartfelt affection for Texas.
If other states are feeling left out of our *ahem* friendly rivalry with The Friendship State, then I will close with this final size-related observation, illustrated below. We’ve got you beat! From sea to shining sea, there just isn’t any state as grand or as great as our favorite — ALASKA!
‘Tis the season for friendly rivalries! Yet, as the internet drowns in Super Bowl party recipes and sport fans across America scream at their favorite teams, it’s quieter up here in the Last Frontier. There are no professional football, basketball, or baseball teams in Alaska. Even our one professional hockey team, the Alaska Aces, went out of business last year. While many Alaskans find another state’s team to cheer for, or against, it’s just not the same. Go Seahawks, I guess.
During playoff season it’s hard not to feel a little left out, which is uncomfortably close to feeling inadequate, which is approaching heresy for an Alaskan. Perhaps because of this uneasy vibe, when the Dallas Cowboys strut their stuff across our screens, many Alaskans turn to one of our favorite diversions. It’s a long running tradition, based on a decades-old rivalry that guarantees each Alaskan an undisputed victory. I call it what it is — tormenting Texas.
Tormenting Texas is just an immensely satisfying thing to do for many Alaskans. The best part is that it’s so stinkin’ easy! Our Texan friends and family members passionately love their state. I’ll admit they have good reasons. For over a century Texas was the largest state in the union based on measured acreage and overall swagger. But when Alaska showed up to the statehood party in 1959, Texas lost its Biggest State title. Ever since then Alaskans have been dropping their favorite jokes and one-liners, each aimed precisely at the tender ego of the now second largest state in the United States of America.
Please don’t think we’re completely heartless, way up here at the top of the world. Whenever a Texan is disappointed to learn that Alaska is actually the largest state in the Union, we sympathetically suggest a solution. Alaska could always be cut in half, making Texas the third largest state.
My favorite one-liner comes with a not-to-scale illustration of our heartfelt affection for Texas.
If other states are feeling left out of our *ahem* friendly rivalry with The Friendship State, then I will close with this final size-related observation, illustrated below. We’ve got you beat! From sea to shining sea, there just isn’t any state as grand or as great as our favorite — ALASKA!
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